Believing What is Clearly Not True

We've all done it. 

Maybe our life experiences have left us unprepared in some way to handle a situation.  We believe we can't handle it.  But then, maybe we have to, or we screw up our courage and we jump in  anyway; and with ease or with some effort, we do manage to achieve our goal.  And we learn eventually to not listen to that voice, that fear, that feeling of we "can't."  You've changed a belief. and in so doing, you have actually rewired your brain.  Cool, huh?

On the Personal Level

As we go through childhood we have experiences: some are easy for us, and some  are challenging.  Through these experiences we develop a sense of self.  Of what we can and cannot do.  What we like and don't.  And, how we view others as well.  Where we fit in the world.  And we discover that others have beliefs about us!  Some true, others filtered through their own prejudices.  When those external cues line up with our internal cues, the world makes some sense. And as long as everything stays in this balance, we feel in control. The brain likes this.

                                                                                                              

Then We Bump Into the World

Moving out into the world we are confronted with many more challenges.  Even the best of upbringings leave us with areas of childhood trauma.  Children, especially young ones, are traumatized fairly easily.  A swat on the bum turns a trusted mom into a frightening stranger.  A lost toy can turn the world into a place of random sorrow. Getting lost, even for a short time, can turn the world into an unfamiliar place of danger. Seemingly minor events can turn the world of a child from a safe, secure place of love and support to a frightening and unfamiliar landscape.  The parameters of safety for  little ones are pretty narrow, and adults can kick those fences down pretty easily without even meaning to, or realizing that they have. These events, small as they may seem to an adult, can have life long repercussions. Am I safe? Can I trust? Am I who I think I am, and are you?

How Beliefs are Formed

All through our young life, especially up to around age 6 or 7, our brains take in enormous amounts of information, but with hardly any filters.  Everything goes in as truth.  If we hear things like, 'what's the matter with you,' or 'stop that' or 'you can't have that_____, because you've been bad,' often enough they become the ground matrix for our self esteem. They lay a bumpy foundation for our sense of self.  And we absorb the beliefs of our caregivers.  It's how children survive.  Make the Big Ones happy.

Then there are the beliefs we form for ourselves.  There are experiences that challenge or overwhelm us so much that we vow to never put ourselves in that position again.  As adults, the #1 fear is speaking in public, yet we ask this of children all the time!  Standing up in front of their classmates for reports and performance tasks like doing math is almost everyone's least favorite part of classroom activities. This could lay the ground for a fear of public speaking that prevents someone from even speaking up in meetings at work.

Families can have cultural beliefs that are handed down to us.  I had a tapping client who was told by her father that if she went to college not to bother coming home again.  He had a belief that educated people were something awful, apparently.  We unfortunately have many such cultural beliefs that have shaped our society -  to the benefit of some and the great detriment to others.  We can objectively see that African-American people have through the centuries contributed greatly to science, art, music, and business.  Yet some people continue to see them as less than human beings. Every ethnicity and gender, every stripe of humanity has contributed, against great odds, to the society we enjoy now.  This is incontrovertible.  But yet some people still believe in the myth of the "lesser' human.  How can this be true?

It Takes Courage to Change a Belief                                                                  

We have beliefs that  help and support us, as well as beliefs that hold us back.  We are at once bold, and fearful.  We may blaze business trails with ease, but believe our health is doomed to deteriorate. Or we have loving relationships but can't imagine finishing that college degree.  We may believe so strongly in our "can't" that we never even try to try! And we may not even know when these beliefs were formed, or that they are even there.  They have just become the background of "who we are."

If we change a belief about ourselves,  we may lose status or station in our community. Like my client who couldn't go home again, or the person who stops being the 'go-to' person in the family. The person who starts speaking up for themselves, instead of just going along to keep the peace.  These are people for whom the pain of staying as they are is greater than the fear of changing.  That is their personal growth.  But the people around them have not asked for this change!  Yet, in these relationships, if one member changes the others have to change as well.  They may have to do more, listen more, accommodate more.  And if voluntary change  is hard, imagine how difficult having change foisted on you is.

Big Cultural Beliefs                                                             

George Washington Carver

As I said earlier, the contribution of black and brown people to culture and civilization and science been enormous. As well as Asians, Native Americans and all the other groups of people that have contributed to our society in so many ways.  These beliefs, this racism,  can be a "family heirloom," passed from generation to generation.  To go against your family, perhaps a beloved father, and the cultural ethic you were born into can be difficult. Many never question the beliefs that they were born into. To do so you face the  loss of your family, or business, and many other  losses. Or, so it would seem. The fearful mind only sees the potential for loss.  It doesn't see the possibility of benefit.To contemplate this kind of change will feel physically awful.  It will produce great anxiety and stress. And we've been taught that feeling awful is bad, so we avoid it scrupulously. And as awful, and obviously harmful, as racism and white supremacy is, it may be easier to not challenge the status quo. And ultimately institutions are supported and maintained, policed, by individuals.

Change is hard.  And even if you don't want what you have, or to think as you do, to try to change  requires great neurological and emotional restructuring.  And the brain doesn't like to do that.  To support this un-changing state, the brain selectively finds and allows you to see only what makes you most comfortable.  And systemic, cultural racism is supported by the individual actions, conscious or unconscious, of most members of the society.  

Hate is a high energy emotion.  And our nervous systems can become addicted to high cortisol, high adrenaline states.  To come down from that is like withdrawing from a drug.  It doesn't feel good.  And sometimes, our brain is all about making us feel good, even if it kills us.

So, to avoid the pain of change we double down on our beliefs and refute any contradictory information, called evidence and facts, by "Others". We demonize these 'others' which makes it easy for us to ignore and disparage them.  We literally can't see the facts right in front of us.  It is too scary and hard and our brains protect us by keeping us blind to what is in fact true.  

This leaves others so confounded because to support racism one has to engage in all sorts of rewriting of history and even religion, and willful blindness.  How can it be easier to hold to these old racist beliefs rather than open into love and embrace a wider more beautiful world?  How can it feel better to engage in this endless hatred and not open to love?   

I don't know.  But I'm pretty sure that we 're not going to 'think' ourselves out of it.  But, I think, it's my belief,  that more love is the only answer.  Love feels good and counterbalances the fear of change, the pain of seeing what we have not perceived before. And I'm not talking romantic love, or wishful thinking about the goodness of everyone.  I'm hoping more people will engage The Heart that just loves all.  That sees from the perspective that all of humanity is one. That to harm another is intrinsically to harm one's self. That we were all formed perfectly. That superficial differences are delightful.  It is expansive, allowing us to take our attention off of our own survival needs, and move into creativity. Guiding our actions and allowing us to change even more. 

Change comes to some more easily than others, obviously.  Those of us who are ready to embrace the pain and challenge of seeing our real history and making sure the future looks nothing like the worst parts we are learning about now, are able to and ready to feel uncomfortable for a greater good.  So we can all get to the Beloved Community our hearts yearn towards. 

                                

   

   

Tapping to Leave Today's Stress Behind You Tomorrow

Yesterday I made a two minute live video on Facebook, called "Don't Let Your Mind Mislead You." It did not go well. Well, my portion went fine, but the technology was screwy. You can see my explanation with the video here. (the video is about how your brain is always on the lookout for danger, but does it's job over well, keeping you anxious when all really is well)

 
 But this is everybody's day now, right? You sit down to do something that should take two minutes and it takes 2 hours because the technology needs to be figured out, finessed, or just turned off and on!

This is an excellent time to tap. While you're sitting there being frustrated, waiting for the little wheel to stop going around and around, what else is there you could do? You can Tap on the frustration. 

• Ask yourself if  it reminds you of another time you feel this frustration. 
• Focus on the feelings you feel. Don't get your mind all involved in the story by naming the sensations overly much, but really feel the sensations. They are the stuck energy wanting to be released and re-processed.
• Try to feel a sensation in your body you would prefer to feel, and keep tapping

Take these daily opportunities to release your stress in the moment and you can stop carrying your every day into every future day.  And - stop shoveling more stress into your already overburdened

nervous system.


And if you're ready to look into how to unburden your nervous system and start living a life of love and greater peace of mind and health, certainly contact me and let's talk tapping!

You can contact me at CalmHealthEase.com

 

Feel Your Feelings, They're There For A Reason.

A year or two ago I started a trial nutritional coaching program. It did not go well. As I got into the second and third call with this coach I began to realize how fraught this whole issue of food still was for me. Which is great knowledge to have. It is always valuable to know where your hidden stress is so you can deal with it. And of course I know the fastest way to deal with an issue is with tapping. In our day to day we have gotten adept at NOT feeling our feelings and we can suffer the consequences of negative feelings festering in quiet. But spending some time delving deep into this issue was eye opening and allowed me to tap on some deep hurt I thought I was over.

But that's not why the program did not go well. During one of our conversations I expressed the feeling that I did not think people would respect or give me credence unless I lost weight. Bless her heart, in trying to help she said,"You shouldn't feel that way! Why, look at coach and speaker  _____, she's quite overweight but very respected."

"You shouldn't feel that way."

Those words hang like a marquee in my memory.

Why shouldn't I feel that way? My history, my choices and reactions to experiences I've had, the culture I perceive I live in, the family I grew up in, the steady drumbeat: lose weight lose weight lose weight; the voices and opinions I heard everyday growing up; the taunts, the little and big slights flung my way; the comments about my body that everyone seemed to feel free to throw at me. Of course I feel this way.

Because I am me. These feeling are a road map of my history. Would I like to feel differently (and for the record, today I do), yes; that was part of the reason for trying this coach out. Improving my health and the health of others through tapping is my personal and professional goal. And I know other tools are helpful and necessary as well.

But the feelings (which are separate from the emotional "label" our brain uses to interpret the sensations coming from the body) are key to unraveling all those places where we are stuck in an old way of thinking; those feelings reflect the wounds that are still not healed. Where the child in us is still hurt and confused. Where we have not brought our loving kindness yet.

We can not 'not feel that way' to health. We must feel those sensations to unravel the tapestry all those strings have made. Then we can weave a new picture that reflects how we would like to feel. We can turn those angry reds into sunrise glories; those sad blues into sunnier skies; convert those lightning bolts into energy for healing and transformation.

So, please FEEL THAT WAY! But don't stop there. Whatever tools you use to transmute your lower emotional states to higher vibrations of calm, love and enthusiasm - do so. EFT is a powerful, rapid, safe and gentle way to do that. If you are in a big storm of emotions I can help you row that boat.

Somethings are best tackled with a friend or guide. I'd be happy to help.

you can contact me through my website at: CalmHealthEase.com

A New You in the New Year? Why I think there is a Better Goal

There is nothing wrong with you!

You don't need a new you.  The current you is a divine, loving, kind, beautiful being.  All that needs changing is the filter through which you see yourself.  People have often mocked those who see the world through "rose colored glasses." As if they were unwarranted in their rosy outlook. I submit that those are the enlightened ones. Those who see this world through the lens of love - see love. The Masters say that  Heaven is here on Earth.  What?  How can that be?   Those who see  through a filter of fear, see lack; a filter of anger sees danger.    In tapping what we're doing is removing the mud from your glasses so you can see the world through a different lens.  You can see yourself through a  clearer lens.  Then your light shines through  more clearly and your life is brighter and freer.
 

What would life be like if we eliminated the ideas that you were 
"not enough," that 
"I can't have that," or
"I'll never heal from this,"  
"that's just how I am," that 
"it's too dangerous to speak up"?  




Hmm.  What are the ways in which  you never even questioned the idea of who you are? Who you were really born to be, before the world taught you to be less, to hide, to not stand out?

To illustrate, finish this sentence, 'It's a truth that I am..........."                                                                 What popped into your mind?  Did you feel/think any of these...?

• I am fearful
• I can't talk in public
• I am easily intimidated
• I am generous
• I am kind
• I am fat
• I am sick
• I am never going to amount to anything
• I'll never be out of debt           

                                             
With tapping not only can we change the negative filter, we can transmute it to a positive one.  What would life look and feel like if any of these were the filter you saw yourself through, you're "go to" point of view....?

• I AM strong and confident
• I CAN do that
• I AM enough and I've always been enough
• I AM calm even when others are not
• Negativity just washes over and away from me
• I AM happy with my body
• I AM healthy and prosperous

  

Do you want to have a healthier happier life?  Well, you can.  Tapping is a great tool for that.  If you want to change how you are experiencing your life, contact me and we'll see if tapping is the right solution for you. 

To get started email me at: pheft22@gmail.com   and we'll set up a time to have a short chat.

until then,
keep tapping, it changes everything!


           (You can also  go to my website CalmHealthEase.com  and sign up for my free video series 

                                                      3 Steps to Start Releasing Stress

                                                                                    

 

But It's Just a Piece of Paper!

Overwhelm.

It happens to us all at times.  But why does something bother us one time and not  the next?  Stress.

Some of that stress you know about.   You are 'under' a lot of stress, perhaps with deadlines at work or school. The news is disturbing, or the neighbors are keeping you up at night. Illness, be it short term like a cold or more serious like the flu. What do all these things have in common?  They use our personal resources.  Our energy.

You've heard or said this... "I just can't think about that now."  Or, "I just can't deal with that right now." What's going to make it more "do-able" later?  Resources.  This is a complex issue to understand and explain but here's the analogy I use.

You're walking down the hall at work with your coffee cup in hand.  Someone intersects you and asks, "Can you take this piece of paper down to Carla's desk? "Of course"  you say.  It's just down at the end of the hall.

Now imagine this scenario.  You are walking down the hall with your cup of coffee.  You are also carrying a big box, and it's a bit awkward. And balanced on the box is a delicate piece of sculpture, and you're walking very carefully to make sure everything is safe and you don't spill your coffee. Some wise cracker keeps making sudden jabs at you  to see if  they can startle you into dropping your load, and you realize that this is all much heavier than you thought it was and your arms are shaking a bit.   Now, that same person walks up to you and asks "Can you take this piece of paper down to Carla's desk?"  What do you think your response would be this time?

You say in some level of exasperation (and politeness), "Uh, NO!  Can't you see I'm loaded up here!  What's the matter with you. Take it to Carla yourself!" 

Right?

In the first scenario you have plenty of resources to carry the piece of paper.  In the second you do not.  

But what are those resources?  They are essentially your feelings. You feel you have time, you feel strong enough, you feel capable.  And stress happens when you are asked to use time you do not feel you have. When you are asked to use strength you do not feel you have. You are asked to do something of which you don't feel capable.

It boils down to our feelings.  And in the end, stress does not come from outside of ourselves, it arises within us in response to a life stimulus.


Next time:  the stress you are (consciously) unaware of

 

Who Do You Think You Are?

Did You Hear That Growing up?

For many of us that was the sign that someone thought we were "getting too big for our britches"  or in some way thinking too highly of ourselves.  What it really meant was we were acting out of the "norm" our family, friends or teachers had established for us. It was a way to make us behave or  think in a way that would make them comfortable.   

But it is a serious question to ponder.  Really, who do you think you are? Are you generous, kind, funny?  Are you thoughtful, brash, reckless, cautious?  Are you bold, timid, well meaning?  Are you worthy of that great job, the love of your life. Are you good enough to have what you desire?  Do things come to you easily or are they ever elusive?

I've said this before.  You believe you have "beliefs." What you really have is set of brain habits.  Over the course of your life you have created an identity comprised of many thoughts and beliefs.  Every  thought creates a corresponding sensation in your body.  These are created by a complex recipe of hormones that tell you what you are 'feeling' in response to any thought. 

EFT is an awesome tool to discover what you really feel.  By looking at what is stressing you out, whether it be your health, past or present, some thought that's stuck in your head, a feeling of overwhelm, fatigue or any number of other things, we can relieve the immediate stress with tapping.  And to get longer lasting, permanent results, we go find the root of the issue and clear it out too.

And then it's gone! It's like clearing a drain.  Once the stuck energy is gone, it doesn't crawl back up the pipe to bother you again.  That's kind of an kind of icky analogy, but pretty vivid I think.  

Let's clear that stuff out!

 The Cart Before the Horse

 Have you noticed in life that when you achieve the wisdom from an experience but wish you had had that wisdom way back when, when you could have really used it?

Facebook is like that,  sort of.   It's like having a backwards conversation.  So in case you missed it here is a run down of recent posts, relating to my comments above, but in an order that makes more sense!

Look at these pictures and tell me if you see yourself in one of them. How do you know? Probably you had a feeling in your body that means "familiar" or "safe" to you. We all have images of ourselves in our conscious and unconscious minds. And at the root of social peace lies the ability to see "ourselves" in others. When you can consciously expand your image of your self with tapping, by letting go of stress and trauma, you are stepping onto the path of making peace in your world and therefor world peace. Are you called?

 I invite you take a census of what you think are your qualities, good and bad. Tomorrow we'll do something with that list. Don't get extreme, but are there 5 things you're great at? Are there 5 things you might like to change? What do you KNOW to be true of yourself?

 OK, you have your list from yesterday? (post of 2/20) Now, here's the question. Is it really true? There are many things we believe about ourselves that amount to little more than programming. Much of which has it's source so far back that we don't even know why we feel that way, so we put it into the category of "that's just how I am". Where it sits unquestioned for decades, influencing our choices and our life direction. What if you could change the story of your life? What if you could change your brain, and pick another direction? Here's the not-so-secret secret. You can. And tapping is the fastest way I know of to do that.

 Great. Now you've decided to try tapping and you want to get started. Good deal.
 But you feel your problems are with other people not yourself. Common feelings.
 How do we address that? We start with YOU of course. You are the only one
you have control over anyway, ever. But when YOU change, the people
 around you have to change too. Remember the pictures from a
 couple of days ago? People are accustomed to relating to their
"picture" of you.When you change the way you show up, they have
 to respond differently too. If you start showing up stronger
and more calm, what might the reactions be in your environment?

 When you say to yourself, "that's just how I am" do you know, or wonder, why? You may well know! Examples might be "I'm fearful of height because I fell off a ladder when I was 6." Until I was 22 I was terrified of bees because I had been stung twice (at the same time!) when I was around 5. Maybe you can trace your fear of speaking to the fact that every time you spoke up at home someone was sure to tell you to shut up because you were stupid. All these experiences add up to "How we are". You are probably also kind, or generous; intelligent, caring, resourceful, charming or many other wonderful qualities. But it's those negative qualities that seem to preoccupy our minds. And they are the ones that may be holding you back in key areas of your life, like your health.

 When you contemplate what makes you YOU, do some of your qualities confuse you? Are you afraid of things and don't know why? Timid of certain situations for no apparent reason? From the moment you are born your nervous system begins coding your experiences into two categories. Roughly speaking, good and bad. This is happening long before you are able to form memories. But your amygdala is tasked from moment one with keeping you safe. Did the color red show up at the same time a pain stimulus was delivered? Amygdala might code in "color red=pain=might be dangerous". That sense of unease, especially if oft repeated, codes for discomfort around the color red. so you might not like red shirts, or cars, or be uncomfortable around a really nice person because they have red hair or wear a lot of red clothes. And you don't know why, "I just don't" ! This may be an innocent example. but in certain situations this "coding" that makes you "be you" can be a really big stumbling block. Tapping can change that!

You can join the thread at my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/lovetapping/


 Or come play with us at my FB group: From Stressed Out to Happy and Healthy

 Be Well.





























 

The Lies We Tell Shape Our Lives

Have you ever said?

You know, the white lies.  The words said to protect other's feelings, or avoid a long explanation to someone who doesn't merit it.  The explanations for when we feel  "no"  is not enough of an answer. Ladies, you get this. 

No.  It's a complete sentence.  Here's why you might want to adapt a 'truth or nothing' approach.

Words have meaning.  Sure, you get that. But words are also instructions.  Your body is always listening to what you say and think. Your brain doesn't know  the difference between your imaginings and "reality". 

          By the body I mean what you think of as the body and the energetic imprint,
          the totality of the operating system focused around it and informing 
          all your decisions.

When you use seemingly innocent phrases, to whitewash the truth, even with something so simple as saying, "I can't go to the store right now,"  your mind is listening.  Your body is listening.   But if you use "I can't"  to replace, "I don't want to" because it's easier than saying, "I don't want to take YOU to the store right now," you're setting up a small dissonance in your system.  It may be a small lie, and you think it may be relieving you of stress to tell it, but none the less, it's a small stress.

And the occasional small lie may not be of much consequence. But is it part of a pattern?  If you can't stand on your own two feet and say "I don't want to do that right now," where else are you lying to just get along?  And what is the toll it is really taking on you?

The Power of Words

          "Words become things --- choose the good ones"    Mike Dooly
          "Be Impeccable With Your Word"   From The Four Agreements"

The things we say often, with each iteration, become truer and truer. With each repetition  a bigger and bigger neural pathway is developing in our brains devoted to that statement. And  an external reality to go along with it will be created . If I say, or think, often enough I can't do something like:
  
          make more money
          heal my body
          find a great love partner
          deliver that great presentation
          make that jump
         land that great job

then my brain is going to create the circumstances that will reflect that and make it truth. 

Remember; words are instructions.

Our systems are stressed out by lying.  This is why a lie detection machine works. To reduce the stress we must bring our external environment into congruence with our beliefs. 

Conversely, this is why making positive changes can feel so hard.  You are trying to wrest control of your system from an operating system that is not taking you where you want to go.  And it will fight you for control. And being a million times bigger than your 'willpower' it will win.  Unless you have a secret weapon!

Tapping comes to the rescue.

     With tapping we can relatively quickly and easily get to the root of the limiting beliefs that are holding us back in our health, relationships, careers, and other endeavors.

     We can re-write the operating system to take us where we want to go. When we use EFT tapping we are un-bundling the neural pathway that says we can't, and building one that says we can.  And for most of the time that is a lot of fun.  Letting go of stress feels great.  And the benefits are life long, and life encompassing.